i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
