can u get pink eye on your cock?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
