Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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