His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
