there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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