does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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