We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
