pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
