Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
