I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
