you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
