She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
