my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
