Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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