I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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