I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
