i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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