Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
