I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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