guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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