Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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