i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
