guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
