I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
