Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
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feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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