so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
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I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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