So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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