false alarm. still invincible.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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