I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
