yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
