Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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