Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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