If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
