where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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