We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
