I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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