I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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