you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
