im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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