Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
