Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.