Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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