dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
