I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
