she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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