he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
false alarm, still single
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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