So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
