Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think I won the penis lottery.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
