I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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