How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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