Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
