you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
