Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
