i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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