he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
