Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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