it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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