sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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