It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
