i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
