I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
