I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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