How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
