Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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