Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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