my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
