i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
